Saturday, January 3, 2015
Paralyzed With Fear
Every night the man found himself fighting a losing battle. No matter how hard he worked and thought things through, at the end of the day he would be forced to this edge. Staring down at the mess called life; he had no idea what he wanted. Where was he going? What was he going to do with this life? The internal battle which no one could even begin to understand. The negative thoughts that he used to be able to resist had became unbearable as stress and pressures grew. He couldn't hold them back anymore.
Moving his hand up above his head, he stared at it. Deep inside, he felt like a monster was slowly consuming him. Biting the inside of his cheek, he tried to search for the reason why he had taken such a wrong turn. Why he had winded up as this beast in a handsome human skin. Women, they were such easy creatures to take and ruin. Was that really his fault? They let this happen to themselves. Placing his hands to his face, he couldn't believe he had just reasoned it that way.
"God, I am a monster," he whispered to himself. Even with the countless people he had at his beckon call, at the end of the day, he felt utterly hopeless and alone. "I'm going to die alone. My god, I am all alone." He felt his body tremble under the weight of his own thoughts. He could fix it, but he felt too much fear. He was paralyzed with the very idea of changing it. What if he wasn’t happy after throwing away everything he had? What if fate made him alone either way? Worse yet, what if he got hurt again? It was all too risky and he didn't want to take that chance.