Drowning

So many hands reaching and ripping me apart. I try to swim, but the world's weight drags me deeper and deeper. I struggle and fight against the current, but my body grows tired. Weaker and weaker, I sink. Expectations of others, like water filling my lungs, suffocating. I can't even scream for help; the escaped air only creates bubbles, and the crushing weight nearly takes my consciousness. 

I'm asked what is wrong, then turned around and attacked for opening up. Told to not feel this way, but never shown a way to do so. Filling me with doubt, a constant storm filled with inner turmoil. Motivation-sucking parasites that worm their way into a fractured heart. Constantly disrupting my concentration, I only want relief. I crave silence, like the world after rain. My desperate pleas were ignored. My crawling stepped on. My agonizing screams, a selfish disruption. Do I have to fall off an edge dangling by a thread before I am shown mercy.. or do they wish I'd fall?

Are they oblivious or simply don't care? I could be bleeding, and you would ask me to clean it up once I am done. Who said you got to decide what I do? You said I had to be this perfect human to be in your life? And why do I have to be the only one reaching out and trying to keep relationships alive? Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm worn out. Perhaps I've had enough for once. 

This stress is killing me, but there is no place to hide for relief. There is nowhere I can go to escape. Watching the ocean swallow my bridges, knocking me off my feet, and dragging me into the deep. Deeper and deeper, I struggle and fight against the current, but my body grows tired. Weaker and weaker, I sink. Closing my eyes, I find myself gasping ashore again. Opening my eyes again, I didn't drown.