Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Eyes On Her

        She sat in the dark and quiet computer room. All I could hear was the clicking of her fingers touching the brand new keys of the computer. I waited for the time to pass, and for her to be kicked out of the library. I had done some, let's call it, investigating. I learned her name was Rain and that she was, indeed, a smart girl.  She started here her freshman year in high school as a dual enrollment student. Finally, it was her last day of being a dual enrolled kid. There was also talk that she had no family; she was an exception to those living on campus. She was allowed to  stay because of the situation she was in. She would be homeless if she was not here. Poor thing. No wonder she was so sad. She was the perfect victim for bullies to pick on. It sounds funny saying that about college students. 
        "Rain, it's time to leave now. We are closing up the library," one of the librarians told her. I sneaked out the front door and waited outside. I played with something in my pocket. She would no longer have to feel that pain. I would take care of her. It was the least I could do. She needed to be rescued, even if she didn't know it herself. She walked out a few minutes later, pulling her bag over her shoulder. She walked out of the library and down the stairs. I waited just below the stairs; well under them would be a better description. 
        "Man, what a drag," she breathed out loudly. She rubbed her head, groaning. "I have such a headache," she whined in her sad voice. I sneaked out from under the stairs, following her silently. She was so gorgeous, a pretty little nightmare. I didn't want to hurt her like the rage that consumed me with other females. I wanted her to be mine so I could protect her and save her from this pathetic life she lived in. "Why are you following me!?" she snapped. 
         I had spaced out and didn't realize I had picked up the pace and gotten too close to her. "Uhh..." I started but she just shot me a freezing glare. I sighed and shrugged to her question.
"Well stop. It's creepy, man," she announced. 
        "Actually, there is something. You are gorgeous, you know that?" She stared at me. She seemed taken aback, even flattered, but overall... scared. She picked up her pace walking away from me. She hurried down the path covered with trees, forming a canopy above us. For someone so smart, she wasn't good at common sense, it seemed. If I were any other insane guy, she would have wound up getting raped or killed; perhaps both. 
          "Thanks, but go away. Not interested." She tried to run away from me, and I sighed, grabbing her hand. She yanked herself back as my grip was quite strong. She landed within my other arm and with one full motion, the cloth that was in my pocket appeared in my hand and covered her face. Her eyes widened for a moment before passing out in my arms. 
         "Silly girl." I smiled down at her. I picked her up within both of my hands and looked around. No one saw me; that was good. I took off down the path and into another part of the building called the Royal Hall. I sauntered through that, and then got into my car, tying up her legs and feet, just for good measure. I threw her into the trunk and threw a blanket over her head. "Sleep good. You'll wake up where you will be safe and loved." With that, I shut the trunk door. 
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Picture: http://creativephotographymagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/traditional-darkroom-photography.jpg

Question: Should I make a second part of this story for you guys?


  1. I really liked this, it was very suspenseful... you had a great voice and I LOVED the name Rain, I thought it was so unique and I could completely imagine it! Great job, I'd love to see a second part!

    Check out some of my writing, we have a similar style!


  2. Well written. Very creepy!
    For me, that was complete. I would rather have a different story than a second part.

  3. I loved the name Rain and I felt like it fit her. I'm not sure if I should continue or not because it can be complete but it also can be continued so it's a difficult decision.

  4. I think it's worth continuing so we can find out what happens next... and more about the character as well, I'd love to find out some of her history!

  5. I think this is just perfect...a perfect end for a short story, if u start a novel it would probably drag on and on
    i loved it :)

  6. Thank you, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it.

  7. The story stops at a crucial point. Rain could be helped out or she could be molested. It is up to you, But I personally like to see her getting some sort of help.


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